You know the thoughts, the ones that keep you up at night. Tricky is what they are, all innocent and casual at 10pm...
10:01pm - "One last practice test, then I can finally go to bed."
10:45pm - "Dang it. Didn't retain any of that. 7 wrong, 19 maybe, 24 right?! Whatever. I'm falling asleep as it is."
10:46pm - Jeans on the floor. MacBookPro in sleep-mode. Fred the cat claws at the door. Laying in bed. Nothing, literally nothing on my mind.
10:52pm - "Ok Fred, I'll let you in." Purring. "While you're up, brush your teeth again."
11:07pm - "Check, check, check. Done with the day. Even prayed - gold star for Esther."
11:08pm - "Wait. Which questions did you get wrong?" "How are you going to get up at 6am - GO TO SLEEP."
11:21pm - "Nice try Esther, you can't tell yourself to sleep." "Isn't there some Yoga thing where you lay down, palms up, and tell each part of your body to relax then fall asleep? Ya, try that."
11:30pm - "Thighs, quads, femur, sartorius, tensor fascia lata...go to sleep..." "This is taking too long. Maybe Med Students aren't supposed to play this Yoga game."
11:41pm - Text Dad and ask him how long he usually waits to fall asleep, then if it doesn't happen, to get up and going again.
11:52pm - Text back: You need to do your part. Relaxation and soothing thoughts are crucial. I play the game of "not thinking" in which you remove all thoughts from your mind, so you have room to sleep - not easy. "Thanks Dad, but I've been trying that for an hour."
11:53pm - "Remember when Gwen told you she can't even imagine how you can ever even fall asleep with so much racing through your head. Maybe she's right. Are other people not like this? I mean, isn't it normal to think about whether your day was worth it? Or if your weekend will be awesome? Or if the guy you went out with will ever want to go out with you again? Or how you're going to fit 3 months of studying into 3 weeks? When will you even have time to bake tomorrow?"
12:00am - "Focus on breathing. That's as close to not thinking as I can get, Dad."
12:03am - "Boring. Done with this. I'm getting up."
12:15am - Sitting at my desk: drawing, making study plans, setting goals, organizing, listening to music, excited about tomorrow which is supposed to start at 6am...
1:30am - "How long it would take to run to school from home?" Check GoogleMap
1:33am - "Just 1 hour 4 minutes?! Got to be kidding! I'll totally do that tomorrow morning! Awesome. Better get some sleep."
5:55am - Ring!! Ring!!
Off I went, like a crazy person, literally, a crazy person. 6am running to school, in attempt to make my 7am lecture on histology. Gear: Folded A4 sheet in my zipper pocket with a pen, bus pass (in case I start running a little too slow to make it on time), iPod, key, and CreditCard. You never know...
So proud of my body! It ran and ran, only asked for 2 break and 1 tram ride (due to the time constraint foreshadowed above).
Class wasn't boring. *Yawn* At least I stayed awake the whole 2 hours...
8:45am - "Running home is asking for too much. Taking the subway."
10:11am - "You smell that? Gross. Take a shower NOW."
10:13am - By the way: No hot water today! The workers, remodeling the house, didn't tell us today was going to be the day -- but there isn't anything we can do about it! - B.G. I live with her. Both our plans were thrown out the window: hers to clean, mine to shower.
10:15am - "Wow, the things the physical body can withstand... This water is 40degrees or colder... I'm going to die."
Nothing that a little hair dryer for 15 minutes can't solve! HappyEnd: I smell good, morning exercise, learned some microscopy, still feel awake (at 2pm).
Just please. Next time I have my burst of energy, remind me to make sure the water's hot.